No EVE for a week

I spent a long weekend being a tourist in Sydney with my wife – celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

This is us back on our wedding day.

I had more hair but less of me back then.

There was a lot about our wedding that set the foundation and direction of our marriage.

Aside small but appreciated contributions from our parents, we saved and paid for the wedding ourselves. We organised and agreed to everything together. We carefully picked just 60 odd guests we were really happy to have attend. We ignored trends and went for a more timeless look. Uncommonly amongst our friends we had a morning wedding with a lunch time reception, with a pianist and then string quartet playing in the background. While this was our preference, it also allowed us to use a beautiful old Reception Centre that might otherwise been out of our budget.

Despite spending less than half that of many of our friends, I believe we had one of the nicest weddings, and seemed to end up being one of the happiest with our day. We still look back at it very fondly – it was a fantastic start to our now 20 years of married life.

I remember at the time a couple family members quietly alluded to us being somewhat selfish by not following more of their suggestions. I guess the admirable trait of independence could look like that.

12 thoughts on “No EVE for a week

  1. You touch on something my wife and I observe about nearly every one of our decisions. As humans, we tend to expect to – and expect others to – listen to the opinions of others. We place too much emphasis on consensus, and not enough on our own desires. The urge to go with the crowd is strong, and the urge of the crowd to look down on anyone who forges their own path is even stronger.

    From the kind of wedding we had (destination wedding with reception after) to kids’ names to the way we spend our time, a lot of our relatives disagree with how we do things. When they share how we “should” do it, we listen politely… then do our own thing. I can tell that they take it as a personal rebuff that we don’t do it their way.

    Worse by far, though, is the fact that we simply don’t care if they’re upset that we didn’t listen to their advice. We’re kind of okay with being the odd ones, because we know the decisions we make suit us far more than the decisions they’d make. It’s that unapologetic following of our own path that frustrates them even more. After all, the consensus is that when you do your own thing, you’re supposed to pretend to feel bad about it as a way of reassuring your listeners that their opinions are valid. Too few realize that the sharing of advice does not create an obligation to follow that advice.

    P.S. Your wife is hot. How did you trick her into marrying you? 😉

    • It certainly pays to listen to advice – but in the end you are responsible for your own decisions.

      I am not sure why my wife married me. She has always said she found me attractive – but I can assure you that is not the normal view. I’ve also apparently always kept her amused. It might have been her intuition – because she has remarked that she hadn’t been aware of many of the traits that make me an excellent husband (or did not realise their importance) when we got married. Such as the ability to do my share of the housework and do it well – without the need for nagging.

  2. I can see taking a week off Eve to celebrate a 20th wedding anniversary. Congrats on not only this week’s Eve vacation but also 20 year back admirable choice.

    • I’ve finished my week away from EVE – it was from the 18th to the 25th, and done quite by accident. Between focusing on preparations, travel and our anniversary, I simply forgot to login. I’ll err on viewing that as me concentrating on more important things in life – instead of the possible state of my EVE mindset at the moment! Thanks for the kind words – reaching 20 years was one of those little wow moments in life.

  3. Good on ya mate!!

    RL > EVE 4 EVEr… so mote it be. My first wife and I made 20… then split on good terms (no thanx to Bob). My 2nd… well, after 3 months in my batchelder pad in exotic uptown Ashland, I’m moving back home. We’ve got 15 under our belts this year and we’re now hoping to actually make the “till death us to part” thing… so far so good. Yeah, things did get a bit rocky there, but never a dull moment eh? =]

    • The rocky is painful – but if you embrace the lessons and move forward working together, they can have a silver lining.

      35 years of combined marriage? That’s a good effort. Marriage can be very rewarding, but it takes work. You both change over time, and those new differences are not always surmountable.

  4. That looked like a beautiful small wedding. It’s often tough going the more independent route with your own decisions. Congrats on 20 years of Marriage. Your obviously doing something right and outlasting the majority of Marriages in today’s world. As most today don’t seem to last as long. It takes lots of work I’m sure. But like anything worth having, it takes allot of work as well.

    • Thanks Sir. Interestingly most of our friendship circle are hitting the 20 year mark, and most of our parents are up around the 45 year mark. (Far more than statistically should be). I wonder what aspects of our upbringing drew us together that also – possibly, influenced our approaches to marriage.

  5. Congrats on 20, and for doing it your way. It often worries me when I hear of couples start their married lives by racking up credit card debt for the price of their own wedding. It sounds like you were thoughtful and focused on what was important to you, and that’s what your wedding day should be about.

    My wife and I also had a small wedding without some of the usual trappings expected in our area, but it’s worked for 14 years as of yesterday. 🙂

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